Friday, June 3, 2011

Can't find the girl anymore....

I knew a girl once. I remember the girl was sweet.

She would cry when she saw a stray dog beaten up. Her face glowed and eyes glittered when she earned a friendly smile or an encouraging tap. Her head used to bow in humility when she got praised on her face.

So innocent that her cheeks burned red and she trembled with anger when some guy proposed her..... love a crime at that tender age she thought.

She spent sleepless nights when a teacher got angry.

She used to run to her favorite neighbour's house at the slightest chance and stayed on for hours, completely ignorant of time and conduct. She was unaware of the codes of conduct, egos, status quo, protocol, and all such words, their synonymns and their meanings.

Waited for power failures to run out and play in the moonlight. Tried not to sleep for fear of missing the early morning picnic bus.



Too dumb to notice when her presence was unwanted. Too slow to pick up the hints to vanish during big discussions. Unable to read between the lines when she was not wanted and was conveyed the same in not as many words.

She used to keep talking ....yak...yak...yak...yak..... without a care if someone is listening or not.

Too glad daydreaming of talking to his dream man...a celebrity ! :) unaware of any other dimension. And these day dreams, her diary full with imaginary conversations with the man and his photo (gifted by a friend, who got it by buying chewing gums or cold drinks) was too big a love affair for her to be dealt with, in optimum secrecy and spoken of in hushed tones with her best friend. She did not bother to think that the dream man's agreement and commitment can matter. She imagined him reciprocating like a movie hero to the heroine :). Rejection was no where in sight as far as her heart could see or imagine. She cried bitterly and got one of the worst marks of her career the day she read of his marriage in the newspaper :)

Oh yes :) she used to see n think from the heart.

Now, she seems too unreal, too good to be true or to emulate. I can't remember, even faintly, the state of her heart within, which gave her that calming, resilient, attractive innocence outside. Can't find the girl and can't emulate her...badly in need of her calming presence. Can someone find her for me.


Note: Looking for vitality :) Sanjeevani to bring back to life the spotless soul, that can be soiled by no amount of sadness or negativity around. Groping for strength, an oar to sail me through.

P.S. Reposting. Had posted it on 8th Sep'10.... but still looking for her... so posting again... :) :)

5 comments:

  1. what should I say...except that may you find her soon...and that may i also find her....yes i also once knew a very similar girl!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @ Guessed as much. But it seems u r still in touch with her. I would request you to read

    http://heartspeakrm.blogspot.com/2010/05/afraid-of-mirror.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chid Within is my another blog. It is just for me. No one can access it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. god bless you...

    http://apparitionofmine.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete